Over the Sea

Despite the hysterical e-mails that the smaller Anonymous Sibs write that may eventually find their way here, I now live on the other side of the planet and can no longer record the wit, wisdom, and utter silliness that occurs in the Anonymous Household. So sorry. I hope this blog has been has enjoyable for you as it has been valuable for me--I can now type the word anonymous correctly and extremely quickly. All has not been in vain.

Thank you.
signed,
Anonymous Oldest Sister

P.S. Before reading any of the following, you may wish to view the cast of characters.

Kong Your Burger

Anonymous Youngest Child: Well, I think that King Kong is just a pathetic movie. I mean, so a gorilla falls in love with a blonde chick. Like that's supposed to be cool.

Deepest Darkest Africa

Anonymous Mother: Oh, we need to take The Polar Express back!

Anonymous Youngest Child: (turns whine up to full blast) Awwww, maaaaan, I only watched it once!

Anonymous Mother: Youngest Child! Don't complain about that. Be happy you got to watch it!

Anonymous Middle Sister: (with 'duh' written all over her voice) Yeah Youngest Child, some kids don't even have movies. Like in deepest darkest Africa.

Anonymous Younger Sister and Entomology

Setting: I lounge on my parents' bed, waiting for the Anonymous Kidlets to come upstairs and start school. The schoolroom is my parents' room, you see. The sun pours through the curtains, the air con is on, and Anonymous Younger Sister comes bouncing through the door.

Anonymous Older Sister: Goodmorning, boing boing! (this seemingly appropriate, as Anonymous Younger Sister had lept onto the bed with a grin brighter than the sunshine.)

Anonymous Younget Sister: Hello, maggot! (gleeful laughter)

Anonymous Older Sister: Excuse me??? (the sunshine stopped being so bright. The birds stopped singing and the happy twinkly music was no more. Um, okay, that was over the top...)

Anonymous Younger Sister: (giggles) Maggot! I learned it in science yesterday. It's fly larvae! A baby fly! (gleeful laughter)

Anonymous Youngest Child enters the room.

Anonyomous Younger Sister: Hello maggot! (They both go into spasmatic laughing attacks.)

Anonymous Older Sister falls backward onto the pillows, wondering why our society chooses to educate small children, anyway.

Middle Sister's Views on Aliens

Setting: Friday afternoon, living room. Anonymous Father is on computer, reading news and lamenting over the political situation in the U.S. Anonymous Middle Sister doing homework at a table across the room.

Anonyomous Father laments loudly over the state of the political situation in the U.S. and then wonders if Kerry would have done a better job.

Anonymous Middle Sister: (drily) I don't think so. Kerry was born on a little planet not called earth, dad.

Anonymous Older Brother At Large

In the kitchen as I (Anonymous Oldest Sister) do dishes:

Anonymous Older Brother (enters room while speaking, gazing at the ceiling): What do you think the penalty would be for setting off an atomic bomb?

Me: (without turning from the sink) Death. Lots of death.

Anonymous Older Brother: (really considering this) I mean, would it be treason, or just defacing property?

Me: Felony. Definitely a felony.

Anonymous Older Brother: What if I did it somewhere that no one hung out at? Like Detroit?


And that, ladies and gents, is that.

The Anonymous Famiily Eats Dinner

Setting: The anonymous dinner table, this time eating anonymous chicken steak sandwiches.

Anonymous Youngest Child begins pouring himself the milk. Reader should note that he has already succeeded in pouring the water all over the table before the events illustrated below.

Anonymous Older Brother: (believing that Anonymous Youngest Child might suffer from inadaquate depth perception) Hey, watch it! Let me help you! (Anonymous Youngest Child ignores him) Stop it!

Anonymous Little Sister: Hey, Anonymous Youngest Child, STOP! (Anonymous Youngest Child ignores her)

Anonymous Middle Sister and Anonymous Older Sister: (in stereo) Stop! (Anonymous Youngest Child proceeds to pour the milk)

Anonymous Siblings: Stop! (Anonymous Youngest Child wrinkles his nose and continues to pour. The glass wiggles ominously.)

Anonymous Older Brother: (stops shrieking like female siblings) Okay, look, let me do it. (takes glass and milk and pours it)

Anonymous Middle Sister: (condescendingly) Anonymous Youngest Child, you need to listen when people are talking to you. You already spilled the--

Anonymous Older Brother, Older Sister, and Little Sister: (in a tone of "can it already, chica") Anonymous Middle Sister...

Anonymous Middle Sister: Okay, okay. (Anonymous Youngest Child has developed a milk mustache)

Anonymous Father: You know, Anonymous Mother, I think they don't need us anymore. They can self-parent now.

Anonymous Little Sister: (grins like a jack 'o lantern) Does that mean Anonymous Middle Sister has to do whatever I say?

Anonymous Middle Sister: (ready to leap across the cucumbers and strangle Anonymous Little Sister) Oh, don't you even try that on me! You just...

The Anonymous Parents decide that the children might need a little more parenting after all. Anonymous Older Sister does the dishes.